Today, I want to share something here which I never thought I would when I started this blog. This is not one of my usual posts but, more of a personal note to the late Chester Bennington and to Linkin Park as a whole. It is an extract taken right off the pages of my deep and personal life.
So, here it goes.

The date was 19th July 2017.
Now, honestly I am quite bad at remembering dates but, there is a very specific reason why I remember this particular one. A reason which would hopefully reveal itself by the end of this post.

So, it was 19th July, late at night and I had just finished watching The Rock Wertcher Concert performed by Linkin Park which was the latest of their concert’s at the time. I was baffled and astonished at how amazing they sounded live, even after so many years. I was jealous of the crowd who had actually attended the concert and not watched it online through a screen like I did. But, nevertheless, It was extraordinary to hear and see them in action. And why wouldn’t I be? I had technically grown up with their music and it wouldn’t be a surprise if most of you reading this now say “I have too!” I was just amazed by their performance and I shared my enthusiasm with my brother who I only had through text at the time and had himself finished watching the concert as well.
It was amazing!
We both agreed on our vibrant texts. And on that exact moment, we promised each other that whatever happens, we would go to a Linkin Park concert at least once in our lives. We would witness the mighty Chester scream right in front of us. It would be breathtaking! And it would be once in a lifetime experience. Even though we both had credibility doubts upon this, at that moment we shared this beautiful dream.
Maybe, someday we would be able to go there…
Maybe, we won’t.
Who knows?
And that maybe was the one thing that gave me hope, gave me happiness at that point. And it was the last conversation I had with anyone that day. For then the next day would arrive. 20th July, the reason why it will always be engraved in my mind.

I woke up with a few notifications, nothing unusual it seemed from the surface. I opened up my texts and saw a screenshot of a news article with Chester Bennington’s photo placed right on top. The headline read “Linkin Park’s lead singer Chester Bennington dies at 41” and my heart stopped.
Wait, what did I just read?
“Reports say it was a possible suicide…“
What?
No! This news has to be fake!
And from that moment on I was in complete shock, convinced that this was fake news propaganda.
Why would he kill himself?
That is just pure nonsense!

And hour later, still convinced of the fake-ness of this whole situation, I found myself on my way to college in the bus when suddenly everything just hit me like a train.
He is dead.
He is gone.
My dream to see him is no more…
All gone…
And that is exactly when my brother called.

“You heard?” he asked with the lowest possible voice I had ever heard from him.

“Yes…” I said followed by the loudest of silence I had ever experienced, a silence which was filled with the shattering of our collective dreams, dreams which ended right then and there.

And I don’t even remember that whole conversation but, I do remember what came after. I remember wanting to cry then, I remember keeping it all to myself as I was sitting in a crowded bus with people around. I remember thinking that If I were alone at that point I would have definitely broken down into heavy tears.
Why do I want to cry so much?
I asked myself.
I actually never knew the guy. And I am sure that he wasn’t even aware of my existence…
Then why do I feel like I have lost one of my own?
That further led me to think about his friends and family.
If I am feeling like this then what must they be going through?
And that made me sad even more. That day, that feeling, It all still hurts like it was yesterday.

But, it isn’t yesterday anymore, is it? It was two years ago.

Now, those of you who know me well or follow me through social media (Instagram mostly) know about my love and passion for music and that passion has been that way ever since I was little. But, what I always struggled with was a voice. Both internal and external. And this lack of voice grew into a lack of confidence which unfortunately led me to completely shield and seal off my love and passion from majority of the people that I knew. But, something had changed that day. Something was different within me once I accepted that Chester was no longer a part of our living world. A voice had then started growing inside of me. It was loud, it was confident and it was determined to come out any which way deemed possible. That is when I started singing my lungs out in practice and, for the first time in my life, in front of people as well. I neither had the courage nor the will to ever do that before but, now it was different. Now I had a voice. And all this led me to go out and actually post my first ever cover any song on social media. And that cover was of the song Waiting for the End by Linkin Park.

This was a pivotal moment in my life. From then I began sharing my love for music without the unwanted hesitation I had before. And that new-found will for expressing my inner emotions travelled to my writing as well. This voice that I had always struggled with throughout my life suddenly started blasting out of my body in all possible directions.

Chester and Linkin Park combined have given us, have given me such incredible music, such incredible songs, incredible gifts that I can unwrap and experience anytime I want. But, the ultimate gift that he gave me towards the end was the discovery of my own voice. It was because of him that my voice got born. And I don’t know whether to be grateful or to be saddened by the way it happened. But, one thing is for sure. It wouldn’t have happened without him. It wouldn’t have happened without Chester, wouldn’t have happened with the incredible band known as Linkin Park.

So, I am taking this opportunity to thank them, to thank Chester Bennington and to thank the whole incredible band with all of my heart. I will always remember you Chester. Always.

Rest in peace brother. I hope you are happy wherever you are. And I hope that even long after your death, you still find ways to inspire people, people like me who struggle with their own voice within and don’t know how to gain access to it.
Thank you!

And towards the end of this post I would like to quote these words from the song Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park.

” When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest…”

The art you see in this post was drawn by using Fresh Paint.